As a stay-at-home dad, I’ve been trying to master the art of negotiation. It’s not like trying to master the guitar since there’s a constant variable – the guitar – and the guitar doesn’t care about anything, so you have to coax it into making beautiful (or, in my case, tolerable) sounds but it won’t actively stand in your way. Any improvements or failures will be wholly yours.
Kids are anything but constant. They’re random but disturbingly intelligent which is a frightful combination. In a sense, I’m the guitar – the perpetual obstacle who ambles from room to room preventing our young dissenters from a 12-hour Roblox binge. I should make it clear that all negotiation involves “Roblox Time.” Roblox, for those unaware, is an online platform with many different games like a virtual mall without the pretzel stands. These days, the kids are constantly in search of more Roblox time and I’m trying to limit it. I like to think that after years of teaching and negotiating with students about grades and extra-credit assignments I’ve prepared myself for proper fatherhood. But instead, the kids are finding holes in my arguments at an alarming rate. Of course, I could parent from authority and voice a modern version of, “Because I said so,” but I try to explain my reasoning which is the problem. The problem is that the hows and whys of parenting very often fall into grey areas of reasoning. Sure, there are clear and obvious ones in parenting, but the daily questions involving clothing, screen time and dad’s naps are difficult to defend with any evident finality. So the ballet begins.
And here’s the kicker – I think screen time has made them better negotiators. Most of the Roblox games they gravitate to are all about negotiation – they trade animals, toys and other virtual charms with friends online and the level of sophistication is amazing. So is the level of suspicion. In the game, trust is a weak commodity and players are always on the lookout for “scammers” – those who promise a trade and shirk their part of the bargain. It’s one thing to be out-argued by your children, it’s another to be suspected of not negotiating in good faith. Aren’t my kids still too young to see through people?? I better find new ways to dodge their guile – I think I’ll nap on it.